From Yesterday: To Tomorrow

I will officially be a senior in college in three days.
It is kind of a scary feeling.
I will be finishing school for the rest of my life. Makes me kind of scared.
I have no idea what the hell I am going to do with my life.
Here are the few things that I am sure of:
1) I will be leaving for South Korea in eighteen days.
2) I am going to be working at Hume Lake for the summer.
that is all. And I am okay with only knowing that. Because my life is going to be a journey, and I am so excited and looking forward to the unknown.

I am sad because I was going to go to a 30 Seconds to Mars concert. And I was sooo looking forward to it. I was so looking forward to see Jared Leto in person! I mean he is after all pretty much the best looking creature on the face of the planet. And I am going to miss him..kind of breaks my heart. But who gives a crap because I am going to Korea to see my sister instead!

Something else that I know is that I have a total sleeping problem. I have realized that when I am stressed..I do not sleep. It has been day four or five that I have not been able to get a good night of sleep. And I am soo tired. But I just cant go to sleep.
damn.
summer 2010 here we come.

Happy Easter!

He is Risen!
today is Easter. Today has been a day of eating rich food and sleeping. It has been a while since I have last written anything, so just to catch up.
It has been very interesting dealing with Cecily and this boy that she has found. there is nothing more to say but that she really is liking this guy so whatever I think is not really my place to say anything, but for the fact that this is my blog and I can say whatever the heck I want. So there. It has been a good semester of school. I have been very busy dealing with eighteen units and working a part time job at Coldstone. Life has been very busy.
As to my world of men, it has been pretty dull. I have been dating this one guy, but he really does not cut it. I know what kind of guy I want, and as nice and kind as he is, I just am not romantically interested. I still haven't found the kind of person that I want to be with, and I am not so sure if I am just living in this world of what I think love is, and if I am just passing by good options. I do not know. But as far as I can tell, nothing that I have seen I have liked. (That is if Jared Leto or a look a like came around...)
The summer, I have no idea what is going to happen, I have not heard anything back about Hume, so I do not know if I am going to be in Grass Valley, or in Hume for the summer.
leaving the unknown to the Lord.
I am still in love with 30 Seconds to Mars. I listen to them all the time. They are an amazing band with deep lyrics. they really have inspired me.
..book is flowing.
peace and love.

home.

This Is War.

Today is the last week at being at school until I got home for Spring Break. I am so very excited to go home, for many reasons. First being that everyday I am one day closer to getting the heck out of this school. I think everyday that I wake up I die a little inside knowing that I am still at this school. The total almost four years that I have been at this school has been an interesting one. I have gone through much since being at this school and I am really overall thankful for all the growth that it has given me, and really my independence. But again, I have been here for too long. I am ready for a avid change. And I must confess I am nervous when the time comes for me to graduate because of the lack of direction that I currently have, but also along with that it is the time when I am the sole provider for myself. I am going to have to be in charge for car payments, I am going to be in charge for cell phone, I am going to be in charge of finding food, and a place to live! I am freking out. It is going to be a ver very interesting time in my life, that I am so freaked out about, but yet at the same time I am so much looking forward to it. I think that it is going to be a time when I really find my purpose in life. And by purpose I know what my purpose is, it is to have a heart to serve the Lord, and to live a life in mission to further out his kingdom...I know that is what I need to do, I just need to find out the path.

I am currently looking into working at the program called IJM, or UNICEF. Both are amazing programs that are out to look for justice for children who have lost any voice to protect themselves. I feel that it would be an amazing job to help children and to travel to the major disasters that hit 3rd world or even 2nd or first world countries. I feel that it is time of disaster when one can really make a difference and can direct one to the thing that truely onely matters in this world, and that is the Lord.

another thing that is kinf of interesting that I have been doing lately is praying for celebrities. Even the low "trashy" ones that much of Hollywood has deemed as unhelpable. Praying for the celebrities of this world is an important one, because the United States currently puts so much the world of Hollywood on a high tower, and look so much up to them. Me being also a victim of that, I currently look so much up to those actors and musicians that are in the United States. I look up to people like Jared Leto, Jennifer Aniston, Rachael Mc Adams, and the list goes on. But in reality who are these people? We just know these people just by the stories that the papers, and what the interviews tell us. Many of these people are lost and really find no fulfillment in anything that they do. So I am starting a new thing where I am going to pray for these strangers in hope that oneday they will find an answer, that one day they will find the relationship that will save their soul. It is really the only thing you can do. I just read the lyrics at what 30 Seconds to Mars sings, and you can hear the lost in his heart, you can hear that he is trying to find purpose, and he is close..at least it seems like it. And I just pray that one day he will find it. Find the answer.

Sorry this was totally off track, but again this is a stream of what my mind is thinking about right now. (and for the fact that I am listening to 30 seconds to mars) well again, shool is out this Friday, thank the Lord, I am finally able to pack my bags and head back up to Grass Valley, the land of happiness and mommy.

peace and love.

Going to see him in concert. I will be in bliss! Thank you God for making beautiful people.

my new favorite band.

Say All I Need

-Last night was a bad night.
-Last night my friend that I have had from Freshman year of college told me she was looking at engagement rings with a guy she has known for about a week.
-Last night I told her I did not want to hear anythning more about her twisted thought of what love is.
-I met the guy for the first time last night, I didn't like him.
-I have come to conclusion that she is in fact really really really really stupid.
-She is not a good friend to us, she abandons us the moment her family and friends come back to her.
-Not living with her next year is the best decision, because I do not want to be around any of it.
-I hope you are happy Cecily.

see you again.

true love. amazing film. made me cry.

Lets get naked.

Today is the official day after Valentines, it is the day when those who are in love reflect on the night they had with their lover, whether it be a man, woman, girl or boy the memories are held on to like photographs forever engraved in the brain. Some people end the night with their sweetheart with a hug, some end it with a passionate kiss, and some, which seems like the majority, take it further into the bedroom (I am not going to go into details) the point being, they end the night in total bliss and content. Then at exactly midnight it turns into the fifteenth. It is death to the day of public proclaiming of love, it is the day to go back to reality and treat those people as if they are any others that cross into your life. For many it is the day when they erase all of the events from their mind completely, the Valentines night was filled with dunken sex with an unknown partner.

What is Valentines day?

Do you want yours to be like that?

For me personally Valentines Day is the time when I reflect on those who have loved me in my life. Yes many of them have caused me pain and sorrow, but the majority have given me much lessons in the game called life. So this blog is not going to talk about some mistake that happened last night, it is in fact going to be a thank you to all those guys who have hurt me, thank you because you have in fact made me a stronger person, you have given me the strength the battle yet another Valentines Day single.
so I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for making my life miserable, yet stronger.

Finally at peace.

This week has been wonderful. Main reason, NO STUPID DUMB ROOMMATES!
I strongly oh so strongly dislike my roommates they are dumb blondes who cannot think for themselves. They let guys run their lives, and they cake on the makeup and look so ugly.
that is all I am going to say about them.

Undisclosed Desires

I know you've suffered,
But I Don't want you to hide
It's cold and loveless,
I won't let you be denied

soothing,
I'll make you feel pure,
Trust me,
You can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want recognize your beauty is not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons in your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers,
That you're wicked and divine
You may be a sinner,
But your innocence is mine

Please me,
Show me how it's done,
Tease me,
You are the one

Muse. Amazing.
Peace and love

A Blog for You

I am not so sure as to why I am writing this blog to you. But there are just so many things that I want to say to you. I guess I am doing this because you are so far away and there is a chance I will never see you again in my life. So I want to tell you this.

I have known you for a very short amount of time. But during that time you have put a fire in me. You have touched me significantly. The words you say and the thoughts you have captivate me, and I have fallen for you. For seven months I have been trying to put it all aside and to move on to other people...but I just cannot get all those memories out of my head. You are a wonderful person and I know that you are going to do great and wonderful things in this world. I am just for some reason so caught on you. And I miss you a lot. I think about you a lot. Every time I have gone out on a date I think about you, every time a guy has told me they liked me or randomly given their number to me at work, I think of you. Because in reality they do not stand up to you at all.

If you are not the person for me, then God muct have a saint for me. Because to me you are perfect. I am sorry I blew you off the day you left, I was just so scared to get close to anyone..I have been wounded so deep so many times and I was just scared because you were leaving and I had no idea if I was ever going to see you again. I don't know if you are interested in me anymore, heck I do not even know if you liked me, I am just guessing you did because you asked me out. I just feel like I was so young and little back then and had no idea what I was doing. But I hope that this time we are having away from eachother will make me the person that is worthy for you. Because I know that we could have something amazing.

so here is my blog to you. I hope you are safe, and I hope that we will meet again, somewhere in the middle of our crazy plans..all the countries that we go to, I hope that somewhere down the road we will find eachother again.

thus ending my blog to you.

nph

I am writing a book. I have come up with a wonderful idea. I am very excited.

Just Say Yes

Today is the second day of a new semester. It is the time when teachers go over every cotton picking thing in the class. My question is, what do the professors expect out of us on this first day? I know when I hear every large project or paper that I will be writing for the semester gives me nothing but a large panic attack.

Or the worst possible case of what a professor can say to cause everyone to get up out of their seats and run away in pure fear is when they talk about performing plays in front of one another. As the teacher talks about the performing in front of one another she explains how embarrassing it is, "but everyone has to do, so we might as well just do it with heart"...oh how excited I am for the coming semester.

Taking eighteen units is going to be a real challenge for me, especially trying not to snooze in the Studies of Shakespeare class. but I will save talking about that class for another day. The main fact of this blog is not get any frustration that I have for any of the classes. But more of a little pep talk that I need to give myself. Because taking five English classes and one computer class full of eighteen year olds..I am really going to need to all the positive talks I can get.

If there is one thing that I would rather do then take any of these classes is to dance. I have found out during break that I have been captured with dance. There is nothing more then I would love to do then take a dance class somewhere. The only problem is I need to find a good dance studio and somewhere where I am not coughing up hundreds of dollars for a new hobbie that I am getting into. (well not really new)..any-who I am off to the study of Linguistics.

Peace and Love